Troian Bellisario is opening up about her struggle with mental illness.
The “Pretty Little Liars” actress has written an essay for Lena Dunham’s Lenny Letter and in it, talks about her struggle with taking care of herself.
In “Feed”, a film written by and starring Bellisario, she shines a light on how she has often neglected her body’s wants and needs.
Creating the movie has helped her get “one more degree of separation” from her disease. She is aware she faces a lifetime of working on her personal recovery but says she is prepared for it.
“It is my greatest hope that someone watching it, struggling with the same challenges I do, might think, What if I were enough too? So with all the courage I can muster, I give it to you, I give it to that one person, in hopes that it could make them feel enough,” she says.
“As someone who struggles with a mental illness, my biggest challenge is that I don’t always know which voice inside me is speaking,” the actress reveals. “My body voice, the one that says, Troian, I’m cold, get out of the lake, or my illness: You told everyone three times, so you can’t disappoint them. You are not enough.”
The actress also opens up about her eating disorder. According to Bellisario, her body convinced her to live off just 300 calories a day. “That part of my brain is my disease, and there was a time when it had absolute authority over me. It almost killed me, and you can see that, even though I have lived in recovery for ten years now, it still finds loads of fun, insidious ways to thwart me to this day,” she writes.
Knowing she can handle her struggles, Bellisario now wants to initiate change for others. “But I don’t want to just survive that part of my life. I want to create in rebellion.”