In the latest Funny or Die short, Mad Men actress Jessica Paré reveals the secret to staying skinny: kale. Lots and lots of kale. Although Paré insists that she eats whatever she wants whenever she wants, it quickly becomes apparent that her diet is limited entirely to the bitter leafy green.

But Paré’s thinness proves to be short-lived. Later in the video, the 33-year-old actress learns that hamburgers exist, and immediately goes on a fast food binge. Before you know it, Paré is in a fat suit drinking buckets of cream and stalking picnic grounds.

In the end, Paré’s agent tells us that Paré was able to lose all the weight that she gained on her epic bender through a mysterious process which she only describes as “harmless”; and “Satanic.”;

Check out the video below.