With rumours swirling that Oprah Winfrey has partnered with some deep-pocketed pals to buy the L.A. Clippers from disgraced owner Donald Sterling, she may find herself in a bidding war with none other than Arsenio Hall.

One small problem, though; Arsenio is about a billion dollars short (“I lost all my money betting on the Lakers this season!”;), so on Monday night’s edition of The Arsenio Hall Show the late-night funnyman announced his own “Clipstarter”; campaign to raise the billion on crowd-funding website Indiegogo.

Arsenio promised some perks to those who donate. For example, a $50 donation will get you a retweet from Arsenio himself, while a $100,000 donation will earn you a spot on Arsenio’s couch as his on-air sidekick for an entire show. The best deal, however, comes with a $35,000 donation, for which Arsenio will get your name tattooed on his back (only temporarily, unfortunately) and show it off on the air.

If Arsenio doesn’t meet his $1 billion goal, he’s promised to give all the money donated to the NAACP.

Since launching his campaign last night, Arsenio has already raised nearly $1,000 — only $999,999,000 to go!