Nico Tortorella talks openly about his fluid sexuality and his unique relationships in a new interview with The Advocate.
The 28-year-old “Younger” star has been in a long-term relationship with Bethany Meyers, who identifies as lesbian. The couple’s relationship is polyamorous, and call each other “family” rather than using the words “boyfriend” and “girlfriend.”
“I think the way I use the word fluidity is like fluid in everything, fluid in train of thought,” Tortorella says. “It doesn’t always have to be one thing. The one thing anybody can talk about, no matter race, religion, sexuality or gender, is love.”
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And while Tortorella and Meyers reject certain labels, it’s only because they understand the importance of them. “I think for so long there’s been, like, one quote-unquote normal way of life,” Tortorella says. “And anybody that doesn’t live in that structure needs to find a home of sorts. And I think labels are really important for kids, especially, [who] can’t find their tribe where they are, and need to go find their people, their family. For that reason, I think labels are extremely important.”
Tortorella and Meyers have been together for 11 years, and he says they’ve taken it “day by day.” The relationship is built on trust. “It’s not like you can jump on Tinder and look for a Nico or Bethany,” he says.
While Tortorella often calls himself bisexual to stand against bi-erasure, he considers himself “more of a pansexual.”
“I can be emotionally, physically attracted to men. I can be emotionally, physically attracted to women,” Tortorella says. “The ‘B’ in LGBTQ-plus has been fought for, for so long. I’m not going to be the person that’s, like, ‘No, I need a P, I need another letter!’ I stand by people that have paved this way for somebody like me.”
For the couple, having kids is also a consideration, and the only time they get jealous of each other’s relationships is when they are with the opposite sex, because that could lead to pregnancy. Meyers says that she would like to be pregnant, and intends to freeze her eggs.
The couple don’t live together, though, and one of the harder parts of the relationship is how to accommodate others. “We’re still figuring out the best way we can bring other people into our relationship,” Tortorella says. “I think we’re in the best place now [that] we’ve ever been, but we’re definitely still on an amateur level.”
And though Tortorella is a staunch advocate for LGBTQ causes and speaks openly about his own relationships, he ultimately wishes he didn’t have to. “As much as I love getting worked up in these conversations, imagine how much energy we’d save if we weren’t having them, if it didn’t exist,” he says, “if we were all just people and we could love [who] we wanted and it wasn’t an issue. Granted, is that some utopian idea? Yeah, sure, but what if? What if we allowed ourselves to just be me?”
