Mayim Bialik’s ‘Big Bang Theory’ Wedding Scene Brought Bad Memories Of Her Divorce

Amy and Sheldon’s “Big Bang Theory” wedding may have been a grand day for the characters, but not so much for the actress involved.

Mayim Bialik opened up about how uncomfortable she was wearing a wedding dress for the big season 11 finale.

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“Wearing a wedding dress is not comfortable for me. When I myself got married, I wasn’t even comfortable with it. Too frilly, too feminine, too… predictable,” the actress wrote on her blog.

“As a divorced woman, it’s hard to revisit that moment and those decisions. It’s still painful to think about putting on the dress you take vows in,” said Bialik, who was married to Michael Stone for nine years. “The dress that is in every picture of the perfect happy life you think you will have when you’re young and getting married.”

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“I felt nostalgia and whimsy, too. I wondered if people wondered if I want to get married again and if they pitied me,” the 42-year-old actress explained. “I would have been fine in a more ‘conventional’ gown, but our producers really wanted Amy’s eccentricity to shine through.”

Bialik prepared for the faux wedding much like she would for a real one: “I didn’t feel beautiful. Because this is real life. I had started losing weight a few months ago. Why? Because I needed to.”

“I was not comfortable with my weight and I started eating much better and exercising and lo and behold; I lost some weight,” she continued. “I felt so much more comfortable in my own skin. And then I got a series of antibiotic-needing bacterial illnesses and was not allowed to work out for a month.”

It was a real emotional rollercoaster for the actress. “And so, I gained the weight back. I wanted to keep losing. And instead, I’m back to not being comfortable. I felt ashamed. I felt like maybe the wardrobe ladies were looking at me like, ‘Oh, she tried to lose weight and maybe she didn’t have the willpower,'” she said.

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“They probably would never think that–it’s my brain thinking that. But that’s the truth. I didn’t feel my best. I felt crummy about it,” Bialik continued. “Even though everyone said I looked beautiful, I didn’t feel completely beautiful.”

And even the script had the “BBT” star nervous. “I was afraid to read the script. I held my breath when it landed in my inbox the night before we started to rehearse it,” she revealed. “I had so many expectations and I wanted to have none, but I couldn’t help it.”

“It is emotional to tell someone you love them even when you’re acting,” she concluded. “The first time I read those lines, I got emotional for real. Because it is my job to embody this character and to feel what she feels.”

“Big Bang Theory” will return for a 12th season, but the show is expected to end its impressive run at the end of season 12.

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