Gisele Bundchen Shares Regrets About Breast Enhancement: ‘I Was Living In A Body I Didn’t Recognize’

Gisele Bundchen is speaking candidly about getting plastic surgery and the panic attacks that led her to contemplate suicide.

The 38-year-old model writes about the experiences in her new memoir Lessons: My Path to a Meaningful Life, and spoke about it all in a new interview with People.

Bundchen explained that after breastfeeding her two children for 18 months each she felt her breasts had gotten smaller and become uneven, so she decided to get breast enhancement surgery.

“I was always praised for my body, and I felt like people had expectations from me that I couldn’t deliver,” Bundchen told People. “I felt very vulnerable, because I can work out, I can eat healthy, but I can’t change the fact that both of my kids enjoyed the left boob more than the right. All I wanted was for them to be even and for people to stop commenting on it.”

But after getting the surgery, the model said she instantly regretted it.

“When I woke up, I was like, ‘What have I done?’ I felt like I was living in a body I didn’t recognize,” she recalled. “For the first year I wore [baggy] clothes because I felt uncomfortable.”

Thankfully, her husband, NFL player Tom Brady, supported her through the entire experience.

“He just said, ‘I love you no matter what’ and that I looked beautiful,” she said. “This was definitely another lesson: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. But I wish I would have learned that a different way.”

Bundchen also opened up about other vulnerabilities she’s felt over the years and why she decided to write her memoir.

“Things can be looking perfect on the outside but you have no idea what’s really going on,” Bundchen said. “I felt like maybe it was time to share some of my vulnerabilities and it made me realize, everything I’ve lived through, I would never change because I think I am who I am because of those experiences.”

Bundchen describes having a panic attack on a plane during a bumpy flight in 2003, which left her with a fear of enclosed spaces like elevators and tunnels.

“I had a wonderful position in my career, I was very close to my family, and I always considered myself a positive person, so I was really beating myself up. Like, ‘Why should I be feeling this?’ I felt like I wasn’t allowed to feel bad,” she recalled. “But I felt powerless. Your world becomes smaller and smaller, and you can’t breathe, which is the worst feeling I’ve ever had.”

The panic attacks continued, leading Bundchen to consider taking the worst step.

“I actually had the feeling of, If I just jump off my roof, this is going to end, and I never have to worry about this feeling of my world closing in.”

Bundchen says she saw doctors who prescribed Xanax, but eventually, she decided to get off medication and overhaul her entire lifestyle.

“I had been smoking cigarettes, drinking a bottle of wine, and three mocha frappuccinos every day, and I gave up everything in one day,” she said. “I thought, If this stuff is in any way the cause of this pain in my life, it’s gotta go.”

On top of all that, she decided to split with then-boyfriend Leonardo DiCaprio in 2005.

“Everyone who crosses our path is a teacher; they come into our lives to show us something about ourselves,” she said, looking back on her relationship with DiCaprio. “And I think that’s what he was. What is good versus bad? I honour him for what he was.”

Bundchen has been married to NFL player Tom Brady since 2009; they have two children together.

The Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention, Depression Hurts and Kids Help Phone (1-800-668-6868) all offer ways for getting help if you or someone you know is suffering from mental health issues.