John Oliver had some home truths for Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner on Sunday’s edition of “Last Week Tonight”.
The late-night host ripped into Donald Trump’s daughter and son-in-law following a report in The New York Times that claimed the U.S. president ordered officials to grant top-level security clearance to Kushner, despite concerns from fellow White House staff.
“One major issue with Jared having access to state secrets is, you know, it’s Jared — a guy who, even among Jareds, stands out as the ‘Jared’ of the group,” Oliver joked.
Oliver also couldn’t believe that Kushner maintained such a healthy skincare regime while under so much stress and pressure.
“This is a guy who’s not just brokering peace in the Middle East, he’s tackling the opioid crisis, and national infrastructure as the head of the office of American innovation, while constantly traveling halfway around the world, and doing it all while navigating the psycho-sexual Stalingrad that is marriage to Donald Trump’s daughter…
“Where are the bags under his eyes? How is his skin so smooth? It is deeply worrisome how unworried he looks. The only way you maintain that glow with that to-do list is by not really understanding anything on it.”
Oliver then turned his attention to Ivanka, who recently told The View that her father did not help her or her husband get security clearance.
“Oh, please,” said Oliver. “I honestly don’t know what’s sadder there: either Ivanka is knowingly lying about her Dad forcing her and Jared’s security clearance through, or she genuinely thinks they got it on merit on their own.
“And if it is the latter, Ivanka, there are some things that you really should know. You only became an executive vice president of the Trump Organization at 24 because you’re Donald Trump’s daughter, not because you are a 24-year-old business prodigy. You only got a book deal because you’re Donald Trump’s daughter, not because you’re a brilliant author and wordsmith. And you only hosted the Miss Teen USA pageant because your Dad owned the contest, not for your sparkling on-camera presence.
“And you know how Santa Claus used to visit every Christmas morning to give you presents, well that wasn’t the real Santa, that was Michael Cohen, and trust me, he won’t be coming down your chimney anymore.”
Speaking of Michael Cohen, earlier in the show, Oliver touched on Cohen’s congressional testimony, focusing in particular on a moment where Trump’s former lawyer called himself a “fool.”
“The fact that Michael Cohen now has absolutely no respect for Michael Cohen is the first thing I’ve respected about Michael Cohen,” Oliver quipped.