Beanie Feldstein has opened up about the death of her older brother Jordan Feldstein for the first time.
Jordan, who managed Maroon 5 and Robin Thicke, passed away after suffering a pulmonary embolism back in December 2017 at age 40. He was also Jonah Hill’s older brother.
Feldstein shared in an emotional essay titled “Grief Glasses”, which she wrote for InStyle magazine: “Grief is just impossible. It cannot be contained or summarized or enclosed. To describe the wound grief leaves if you have not experienced it is to come to it hazy and out of focus.
“About a year ago, Jordan Feldstein passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly. He was a remarkably generous, intelligent, loving person. He was an incredible father, beloved by his boys. He was a deeply devoted son. He was a brilliant creative mind. And he was my biggest brother. He gave me so many things, including my name.”
The “Lady Bird” actress continued, according to Just Jared: “In this past year, I have learned an immeasurable amount about the bandwidth of my own heart. The pain is so unbearable at times, so unremitting.
“Yet, in addition to the deluge of feelings leaking out of me at all times, I have found the process of grief (because it is and will always be a process, never finished, never concluded) to be just as resonant in my mind as it is in my heart.”
Feldstein then compared grief to wearing a pair of glasses that you can never take off, admitting those glasses make her “see the world differently.”
She wrote, “The colours bleed together more vividly. But they are somehow more than they ever were before. More visceral. More vibrant. More present. Simultaneously more awe-inspiring and more aching.
“Sometimes I can push the glasses to the end of my nose so I can peer over them to see the world the way I used to see. But I can only see over or around to my old perspective. I can never see it totally as it was ever again.
“While I wish I could rip my grief glasses off my face and have it all be a dream, I try to recognize what the glasses have given me: that unique blend of humanity that is simultaneously the darkest dark and the brightest bright.”