Samantha Bee hosted her second annual “Not the White House Correspondents’ Dinner” on Saturday night, the comedy event the “Full Frontal with Samantha Bee” host cooked up in response to President Donald Trump’s decision last year to skip the official event; the actual White House Correspondents’ Dinner has traditionally been attended by the sitting president, journalists who cover the White House and A-list celebrities, while comedians such as Seth Meyers, Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel been among those to host.
With Trump’s recent announcement he’ll be skipping this year’s dinner as well, Bee gave the president a scathing absentee grilling. “I’m going to roast you as if you are here tonight,” said Bee in her monologue.
“I thought long and hard about what I would say if I was ever in the same room as you. I mean, what I’d say after ‘Hey, let go! I’m not a bowling bowl.’ It’s funny because he’s a sexual assaulter,” she quipped.
“There are so many things you could say about this president: That’s he vicious, vindictive, stupid, unattractive, unloved and will die alone,” Bee continued, “but what can we say that Melania hasn’t already said?”
She went on to brand Trump a “coward” for skipping the dinners over fears he’ll be mocked by a comedian at the actual event.
“Here are some people that are braver than you: Christine Blasey Ford, 23 women who said you sexually assaulted or harassed them, the undocumented immigrants who worked at Mar a Lago and spoke out against you.”
Naturally, Bee touched on the release of Special Counsel Robert Muller’s long-awaited investigation.
“The Mueller Report finally came out last week and of course there’s still a lot we don’t know,” Bee said. “I don’t want to say the Mueller Report is excessively redacted but there was so much black on it, Trump demanded to see its birth certificate. There was so much black ink, the Virginia governor is dressing up as it for Halloween. It is so black that Trump thinks it should get the death penalty for a crime it didn’t commit.”
Bee also referenced the controversy that erupted when the host of last year’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner, Michelle Wolf, told a joke that conservatives interpreted as making fun of White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders’ appearance. Discussing Sanders’ looks, Bee joked, “On the inside: Hideous as a pinworm on the anus.”
Bee concluded by describing Trump as “a classic bully. So he loves to push people around, but he’s too insecure to handle even the slightest ridicule. So on the off chance he’s watching our show tonight because Tucker Carlson ran out of racism or something, I’d like to put him at ease.”
Turning to the camera, Bee addressed Trump directly. “Hey there, champ,” she said. “I know you’re scared of being the butt of a joke, but we can try to fix that. I’ll tell you what: The next time you’re feeling a little weak in the knees and aren’t sure how to face something scary, maybe you can go down to the holding facility in Brownsville and ask the preschooler you’ve stolen from his parents for some pointers. You’ll be able to face big bullies like me in no time.”
Proceeds from Not the White House Correspondents’ Dinner will benefit the Committee to Protect Journalists.