Carrie Underwood discusses everything from suffering three miscarriages to being a female in the male-dominated country music industry in a new interview with the Guardian.
Underwood, who shares 4-year-old son Isaiah Michael and 4-month-old son Jacob with husband Mike Fisher, says of the miscarriages: “I was still trying to do my job and put on a smiley happy face and be Carrie Underwood. And then I’d go home and fall apart.
“It’s something that people don’t really talk about. Even people who are my friends and I know well, after I talked about it were like, ‘My gosh, me too!’ And I feel like it’s something I should’ve known about them.
“I think you feel silly being so attached to something that you knew about for this long,” she adds, holding her fingers up a short distance apart.
“But I still feel it, you know. I mean it took me a while to be able to sing certain songs and be able to get through them without really going there. It doesn’t go away. Ever.”
Underwood says that she now finds singing songs such as “Cry Pretty” and “Low” “difficult” but “therapeutic.”
The musician shares, “I guess you wait for things to stop hurting at some point. But letting yourself go there, other people that are going through the same thing, it kind of connects you to them.
“I will always mourn those children, those lives that were a shooting star, a breath of smoke, but I have Jacob, and he is incredible, he is the sweetest little baby. At the time it was awful, and it still hurts, but it’s kind of like, OK, I have this.”
She also says of being a female writing her own songs in the industry and how she constantly is asked whether she actually writes them herself: “I mean, I get it: If you were a songwriter in Nashville, and 90-plus per cent of artists are male, are you going to go into your writing session and write a song for a woman?
“It doesn’t bother me. I’ll do it myself.”