Cara Delevingne is the latest celebrity to go “Running Wild with Bear Grylls” in the new season of the adventure-seeking reality series, and a clip from the episode features the 27-year-old actress pushing herself to the limits as she pulls herself across a canyon, suspended high above the ground while attached to a cable.
While sitting by a campfire, she also chatted candidly with host Bear Grylls, reports the Daily Mail, opening up about her lifelong mental health struggles.
Talking with Grylls, Delevingne admitted she “had no sense of who I was. I had no identity. All I had been was a mental illness, a child, a caretaker, or a supermodel, which just seemed so ridiculous to me.
“It was like my integrity, my morals, everything was rotting, like I just had nothing left, because I honestly was just selling myself because I wanted to belong, and I thought that by people hiring me, that was giving me a sense of who I was.”
Delevingne also revealed her feelings of inferiority while growing up. “I felt a sense of rejection my entire life, just because I was never really good at school, I wanted to be smart and I wanted to be better than what I was,” she said.
“So when I started getting rejected in modelling it helped me affirm that I wasn’t good enough, it was kind of like giving a self-harmer a knife, and it was like, great I knew I was not good enough,” continued Delevingne. “My head was my worst enemy, every thought was just, kill yourself, kill yourself, run away, numb. It was just horrible.”
However, she told Grylls she’s in a far better place now.
“Just through working on myself and going away, and learning about trauma and doing stuff like this, and doing things for myself. You can’t love yourself if you don’t know who you are and I really didn’t know who I was outside of work so I needed to figure that out.”
Asked by Grylls what advice she would have given her younger self, she replied: “I would say, communicate more and be more open about what you are going through. Because if you can have any confidence, to be confident in your vulnerability is the best thing you can ever ask her.”
“Running Wild with Bear Grylls” airs Tuesdays on National Geographic.