Jessica Simpson is opening up about about her struggles with addiction.
The new issue of People features an excerpt from the pop singer’s upcoming memoir Open Book, and in it she discusses hitting a low point with alcohol addiction and her subsequent road to recovery.
“I didn’t realize all the stuff I had to say until I was actually connected to it through music and writing,” Simpson told the magazine. “So when I started to go through all the depth of the pain that I was experiencing, I realized I was pretty rock bottom.”
In the book, Simpson recalls Halloween 2017, writing, “It was 7:30 in the morning and I’d already had a drink.”
She and her husband Eric Johnson went home to prepare for a Halloween party they were hosting but Simpson soon found that she was unable to help with their kids’ costumes.
“I was terrified of letting them see me in that shape,” she writes. “I am ashamed to say that I don’t know who got them into their costumes that night.”
The next morning, Simpson writes, “I slept in, afraid to see them, afraid I had failed them. I hid until they left, then drank.”
When a group of close friends came over to check on her, she told them, “I need to stop. Something’s got to stop. And if it’s alcohol that’s doing this and making things worse, then I quit.”
Simpson also talks about how being sexually abused as a child influenced her addiction.
“This feeling of being alone and scared in the dark was one I’d had since I was abused as a child,” she writes.
Now, though, the 37-year-old is sober and soaking in every moment of life with her family.
“I had room for so many wonderful moments that I would have missed: sober for the first time ever in my studio and seeing Maxwell grab a guitar. Ace in pyjamas he put on himself, proudly adding a sticker to his bedtime chart,” she writes.
“There’s just no better gift,” Simpson adds. “There’s no better gift I can give my kids, there’s no better gift I can give my husband. More importantly, there’s no better gift I can give myself.”