Justin Bieber didn’t worry about holding back the tears during a playback party this week.

Ahead of the Grammy Awards and the release of his album Changes, a celebration was held at Village Recorders in West Los Angeles. During the event, Bieber broke down while talking about the depression he suffered.

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“I don’t even think I should be alive never mind thrive,” he told the crowd of around 100 people Variety reports.

“You walked with me through a lot of sh*t,” he added while talking about his manager Scooter Braun.

The Canadian singer, who became a household name by the age of 13, spoke of having “grown up in the industry”, being “hurt by the industry” and “the people” who are a part of it.

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“There’s power in weakness,” Bieber said while crediting his faith in God for getting him through. He added that his creative work is “a reflection of that … thank you for loving me at my worst.”

He also spoke of his YouTube documentary about his life–a large part of which his wife Hailey Bieber is a part of.

“I love you with all my heart … and I’m so proud of us. I’ve gotta get it together,” he said through the tears before adding, “I’m gonna go shoot myself.” He made sure everyone knew that last part was a joke.