Hayley Williams has opened up about harder times.
Williams, who is the lead singer of Paramore, is about to release her solo album Petals for Armor but spoke to The Guardian about her marriage and divorce from New Found Glory guitarist Chad Gilbert.
“I was in a very unhealthy relationship, and I just kept thinking: ‘I can fix it this time,’” Williams recalled. The two were married for two years and together for 10.
At the time of her divorce, Williams weighed only 91 pounds.
“He probably looks at me like the villain,” Williams shared. “Throwing around my version of someone else’s story doesn’t feel fair, which is funny because I don’t necessarily think it should be fair. Especially not after the s**t I went through.”
The artist said that during her divorce, she “developed rashes, stopped eating and her adrenal activity flatlined.” It wasn’t until she saw herself in a music video that she realized she needed to get healthy.
“It wasn’t until I saw the pictures that I was like, there’s no hiding that I’m not okay now. And part of me enjoyed that – if people know I’m not okay, they won’t get too close,” she said.
Her band members would try to get her to eat but her coping mechanisms turned to alcohol while “looking to break free from a prison that I’d put myself in and to also forget at the same time.”
Luckily songwriting helped Williams get back on track.
She added, “It helped me understand that emotional wellness and physical health are actually related. It helped me realize that I shouldn’t have ever married my ex and that love is not something we can just extract from one other,” she wrote at the time. “Writing opened my heart to healing. I’m alive to both pain and joy now. I have my old laugh back, as my mom says. The one that takes over my body and sends me out of myself for a few seconds. And only a couple years ago, I had hoped I’d die.”