Lady Gaga appeared on this weekend’s edition of “CBS Sunday Morning”, and opened up about how her new album Chromatica was birthed during some dark times in her personal life.
“I just totally gave up on myself. I hated being famous. I hated being a star. I felt exhausted and used up,” Gaga said candidly in the interview with CBS News’ Lee Cowan.
“This is the piano I’ve had for so many years. I’ve written so many songs on this piano,” she continued. “I don’t know how to explain it. But I went from looking at this piano, and thinking, ‘You ruined my life.’ During that time, I was like, ‘You made me Lady Gaga. My biggest enemy is Lady Gaga.’ That’s what I was thinking: ‘My biggest enemy is her. What did you do? You can’t go to the grocery store now. If you go to dinner with your family, somebody comes to the table, you can’t have a dinner with your family without it being about you. It’s always about you. All the time it’s about you. And your outfits. Look at your outfits!’”
She would ask her piano, “Why you gotta be like that?”
As Gaga explained, the mental health issues she’d lived with her entire life became magnified by her success.
“It’s not always easy, if you have mental issues, to let other people see,” she says. “I used to show. I used to self-harm. I used to say, ‘Look. I cut myself. See, I’m hurt,’ ’cause I didn’t think anyone could see. ‘Cause mental health, it’s invisible. The people around me, they lifted me up, and they said, ‘You think you’re drowning, but you’re not. You’re still amazing.’ And I used to go, ‘I’m not amazing. I’m over.'”
Asked if she had contemplated suicide during this difficult period, she admitted, “Oh, yeah. Every day. I lived in this house while people watched me for a couple years, to make sure that I was safe.”
She explained what she was experiencing at the time. “I didn’t really understand why I should live other than to be there for my family. That was an actual real thought and feeling: ‘Why should I stick around?’”
Thankfully, she says she’s now on the other side of that darkness. “I don’t hate Lady Gaga anymore,” she said. “I found a way to love myself again, even when I thought that was never gonna happen. Now, I look at this piano and I go, ‘Oh, my God. My piano! My piano that I love so much! My piano that lets me speak. My piano that lets me make poetry. My piano, that’s mine!’”
If you or someone you know is in crisis and needs help, resources are available. In case of an emergency, please call 911 for immediate help.
The Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention, Depression Hurts and Kids Help Phone 1-800-668-6868 all offer ways of getting help if you, or someone you know, may be suffering from mental health issues.
You can also call the Nunavut Kamatsiaqtut Helpline toll-free at 1-867-979-3333.