Don’t be afraid to communicate with your partner.
That’s the advice Shailene Woodley gives in the new “Ask Her” column on the men’s website Leo. She was asked, “From a woman’s perspective, if the sex is not great but the relationship is thriving, do you call it quits or work on it?”
“Oy … I have been here. And to be quite honest, it has happened more than once in my life,” Woodley responds. “Listen, I hope for all our sakes that we have had the kind of sex that leaves us f**king hungry and full all at once.”
The actress talks about how sex in a relationship can begin to slow down or sour, and how this can lead to insecurities and relationship difficulties.
“All I can say is, from my perspective as a woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to say it, honesty and transparency are everything,” she says. “If you don’t feel safe in communication with your partner, then chances are, you may never be able to cultivate a truly connective sex life. And, if you do feel safe, then talk about your needs. Whether they are being met or not. Ask your partner about theirs.”
She adds, “‘Bad sex’, in my opinion, is simply two people who haven’t quite found the language that speaks to their unique lives together yet. Or, two people who don’t know how to be deeply vulnerable with one another. That s**t can take time.”
Woodley also encourages people to be open about what they would like from their partners during sex.
“Don’t be afraid to say what you really want,” she says. “The most turned on I have ever been has been when lovers told me exactly what they wanted me to do, or what their needs were. So don’t be shy. Chances are, that dirty little mind of yours in there is just as naughty as the mind of your partner’s … but maybe neither of you have ever felt like you’ve known how to share those intimacies with one another.”
Finally, she says, “If you are looking to enhance your relationship and feel the desire to connect deeper with your babe, then use your sexual discord as a portal to expanding your love, versus running away from it.”