Cara Delevingne is looking back at some dark moments in her life.
The model, 28, joined Gwyneth Paltrow on her “Goop” podcast and got candid about learning to accept her sexuality and dealing with homophobia in her childhood.
In May 2018, Delevingne came out as genderfluid. A year later, she began dating actress Ashley Benson and they’ve since split.
“I grew up in an old-fashioned household,” Delevingne explained. “I didn’t know anyone who was gay. I didn’t know that was a thing and actually, I think growing up I was quite not noticeably, I wasn’t knowledgeable of the fact I was homophobic.”
She added, “The idea of being same-sex [partners], I was disgusted by that, in myself. I was like, ‘Oh my God, I would never, that’s disgusting, ugh.'”
But living like that made Delevingne’s mental health deteriorate.
“I do correlate the massive depression and the suicidal moments of my life [to that] because I was so ashamed of ever being that. But actually, that was the part of me that I love so much and accept,” she said, late adding that she now defines herself as pansexual.
“There is still a part of me where I’m like, ‘Oh, I wish I could just be straight.’ There is still that side to it. It is really complicated,” she admitted. “I was so unhappy and I wasn’t following my truth, especially in terms of being a model. That whole thing of having to fit into the box – I’m an androgynous person. I love being a woman and dressing up and doing all that, but I also love being a rough and tumble ‘man.’ I feel so much more comfortable in the fluidity of what it is to be just a human and to be an animal, almost, because that’s what we are. To trust in your own instincts.”
If you or someone you know is in crisis and needs help, resources are available. In case of an emergency, please call 911 for immediate help.
The Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention, Depression Hurts and Kids Help Phone 1-800-668-6868 all offer ways of getting help if you, or someone you know, may be suffering from mental health issues.