Ellen DeGeneres has decided to step in to once and for all end the debate about which popular cartoon characters are and are not gay.
Ellen, who jokingly referred to herself as the “nation’s leading expert on gay”, began by talking about Velma Dinkley from “Scooby Doo” who has been generating a lot of chatter online following the announcement from HBO Max that the character will get her own spin-off series.
“People online are once again debating whether Velma is a lesbian,” Ellen said. “So here are my thoughts. First of all, she’s a cartoon character so no one should really care about her sexuality. Secondly, just ’cause she wears those clothes and has short hair doesn’t mean she’s a lesbian.”
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“And third, obviously, she’s a lesbian,” she quipped. “Come on. Velma, she’s on our team.”
Velma “does all the things that lesbians do,” Ellen joked.
“She has short hair. She has thick glasses. She solves mysteries. She’s basically the Rachel Maddow of cartoons.”
She added, “I heard that she’s trying to get the rest of the gang to trade in the Mystery Machine for the Subaru Outback.”
Talking about Peanuts character Peppermint Patty, Ellen said, “Let’s look at the evidence here. She wears Birkenstocks. Her name is Patty. Her best friend calls her Sir, which is short for Sir-iously gay.”
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Ellen also supports the theory that Spongebob is gay. “He spends a lot of time with his friend Patrick. He has a pet snail. I don’t know if that’s gay. It just sounds like it is though,” she told her audience.
Bugs Bunny, however, is not gay according to Ellen. “Dressing in drag does not make you gay,” she said of Bugs, adding that he’s “just kinky.”
But what about Elsa from “Frozen”? “[N]ot sure why this rumor started in the first place,” Ellen said. “I guess as soon as a Disney princess doesn’t spend the entire movie pursuing a man, that makes her gay.”
Ellen then gave rapid-fire answers on a host of other cartoons.
“Snagglepuss? Gay. Ursula? Gay. He-Man? Gay. Yogi and Boo-Boo? Gay. Flounder? Gay. Four of the seven dwarfs? Gay. Jiminy Cricket? Gay. The candlestick from ‘Beauty and the Beast?’ French or gay, same thing.”
Asked and answered!