Warning: This content contains disturbing details and is NSFW.

 

Holly Madison is opening up about her time in the Playboy Mansion.

The 41-year-old, who starred on E!’s “Girls Next Door” which aired over a decade ago, was one of Hugh Hefner’s three girlfriends at the time alongside Kendra Wilkinson and Bridget Marquardt.

She’s now speaking out about her time in the famous Mansion, telling the “Call Her Daddy” podcast how it definitely wasn’t all fun and games.

Madison explains of heading to Los Angeles before moving in with Hefner, “I was kind of desperate. I was sleeping on somebody’s couch. I just felt like I need a minute to reset my life and I felt like if I could stay at the Mansion and just have a minute to kind of not worry about bills,” Yahoo! reports.

She admits she didn’t know what was expected of her, telling the podcast host Alex Cooper, “I had to sleep with him first. I’m not trying to slut-shame anybody or anything, but nobody ever got asked to move in unless they had slept with him. No way.”

Madison, who left the mansion in 2008 after seven years of living there, says she was offered Quaaludes, a sedative and hypnotic medication that Hefner called “thigh openers,” on the night that she slept with him.

She adds that although she didn’t accept the pills and wasn’t under the impression that she’d be expected to sleep with him that night, she was “so wasted and just kind of thrown into it, that once it was done there was something about the experience that made me feel very out of control.”

Despite all of this, she still stuck to her plan and moved into the Mansion, telling the podcast: “I felt like I was just internalizing all of this shame and I felt like by sticking it out I was fighting for myself and fighting to get something out of this experience, I guess.

“Living at the Mansion was something I thought would just be a super fun crazy experience in my twenties that I’d look back on. I knew it wasn’t gonna be conventional and I was excited about it and I wanted to stay and get that full experience. Everything about the experience was completely different.”

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She then became Hef’s main girlfriend living in his room, therefore giving up her privacy.

Madison shares how it was then that the scrutiny from the other women and the disconnect from the outside world led her to have “pretty heavy suicidal ideations,” saying the trio of ladies “signed those contracts under duress” when talking about the reality TV show.

Madison stayed at the Mansion until she was 29 years old, with her and Hefner even trying for a baby.

“I feel like it was a very Stockholm syndrome type of thing,” she says. “I just couldn’t really imagine a life outside of there. I thought, ‘OK, this is my last stop. I want to have kids, I’m gonna try.’ And then when I knew that wasn’t going to be a possibility with him, like we’d tried in vitro [fertilization] and everything, it didn’t work, I was like, ‘OK, well if I’m not going to have kids here, that’s something I need to think about. This is really like a death sentence in a way.'”

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After E! News reposted the interview quotes on Instagram, Madison’s former fellow Hef girlfriend Wilkinson replied: “Dude… it’s 2021” with a laughing emoji.

She also insisted, “Times have changed. I forgive and have kids to love and focus on.”

Wilkinson said she wishes she’d “had more time with Holly to understand this side,” adding: “I wish her the best in life and this helps heal her,” according to grabs posted by People.

Wilkinson shares Hank IV, 11, and Alijah, 6, with her ex-husband, former NFL wide receiver Hank Baskett.

Hefner died on September 27, 2017.