Billie Eilish is opening up about body image.
The Grammy Award-winning pop star, 19, who just released her second studio album, Happier Than Ever, shares how she has dealt with the impossible pressure to always look good in a new interview with The Guardian.
“I see people online, looking like I’ve never looked. And immediately I am like, oh my God, how do they look like that?” Eilish tells the newspaper.
Despite knowing “the ins and outs of this industry”, “what people actually use in photos” and “what looks real can be fake,” she still catches herself comparing her body to others’.
“I still see it and go, oh God, that makes me feel really bad,” she explains. “And I mean, I’m very confident in who I am, and I’m very happy with my life.” However, she adds, “I’m obviously not happy with my body but who is?”
Eilish says that performing forces her to “disassociate from the ideas I have of my body.” She explains that her signature baggy clothes make it “easier to move in without showing everything.” She adds, “they can be really unflattering. In pictures, they look like I don’t even know what.”
“I have such a terrible relationship with my body, like you would not believe,” she continues, “so I just have to disassociate.”
Eilish’s appearance constantly being a topic of public fascination doesn’t make her relationship with her body any easier. “You get a paparazzi picture taken when you were running to the door and had just put anything on, and didn’t know the picture’s being taken, and you just look how you look, and everyone’s like: ‘Fat!'”
The pop songstress has seemingly always been aware of how body image can inform identity. “Since I was a kid my dad and I have always talked about a certain type of person who’s so insecure, or hyperaware and self-conscious, that they never move in a weird way, or make a weird face, because they always want to look good,” she told The Guardian.
“I’ve noticed that, and it makes me so sad. If you’re always standing a certain way, walking in a certain way, and always have your hair just so…. It’s such a loss to always try to always look good. It’s such a loss of joy and freedom in your body.”
In a riff on the purpose of bodies themselves — not so dissimilar from the query that was also the title of her first album, When We Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? — Eilish says, “It’s ridiculous that anybody even cares about bodies at all. Like, why? Why do we care? You know, when you really think about it?”