Meghan McCain is opening up about the devastating miscarriage she suffered in 2019. ET’s Rachel Smith spoke with McCain about her new audio memoirBad Republican, and she shared that she found out she had a miscarriage the day after her headline-making interview with Seth Meyers on “Late Night”.

During the interview, 36-year-old McCain and 47-year-old Meyers got into a testy exchange about Congresswoman Ilhan Omar, with Meyers questioning McCain about her tying Omar’s former tweets, which Omar had apologized for, to the Chabad of Poway synagogue shooting in San Diego in April 2019. McCain calls the interview “a disaster.”

“It’s the worst interview I ever did,” she tells ET.

McCain discusses the interview in her memoir in relation to her miscarriage.

“I felt like people only talk about the really good parts of motherhood and they’re amazing but it’s hard, it’s physical … and having a miscarriage is one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced and I went into detail because at the time there was a big media scandal on an appearance I had on Seth Meyers going on at the same time,” she explains. “Trying to handle, like, this chaos and huge scandal in my professional life along with this chaos and, you know, intense pain and, you know, just physical pain in my personal life, it was like the closest I’ve ever come to being, like, I don’t know what I want to do anymore because this is all so overwhelming.”

McCain says she blamed herself for the miscarriage.

“I really blamed myself, and thought that maybe because I had this chaotic experience on a late-night show or because I had a tough … I used to argue on television for a living and I thought if maybe I had more of a serene environment or I was a calmer person or I was younger that this wouldn’t have happened,” she shares. “I know from medical advice from my doctors that it’s not true. But women blame themselves for things like that that happen. I just don’t want people to feel so alone. I felt really alone throughout the whole thing.”

McCain reveals she found out about her miscarriage the day after her interview, and underwent a D&C (dilation and curettage, which according to the Mayo Clinic is a procedure to remove tissue from inside one’s uterus that is sometimes done to clear the uterine lining after a miscarriage or abortion). She stands by the interview.

“I found out I was having a miscarriage the next morning or the next day and that’s why I blame myself,” she says. “I talk about in the book, I’m talking to my doctor saying —  I actually show her a headline — I was like, ‘Could this have caused this?,’ and then I ended up having the medical procedure after. But I take ownership of everything I do and say, and there are things I do and say and believe politically that a lot of people don’t believe in mainstream media.

“They’ll have a hard time hearing,” she continues. “I understand that I’m a big girl, I’ve been doing this a long time. But there are a lot of people in America that agree with me, especially in the middle of the country and I felt like I was put in a position where it was unfair — again, just watch the appearance, make the judgment, whatever you want — and then it just happened to have the horrible luck of being combined with a personal tragedy.”

She has no hard feelings toward Meyers.

“I just don’t want people to feel sorry for me, and I have no ill will towards anyone, including Seth Meyers, at this point in my life,” she continues. “I move on and forgive and forget, but I think in this specific situation, I just wanted women to know if they’re going through chaos in other elements in their lives when they’re going through personal or physical chaos, that it’s OK. I’ve been there and it turned out well, basically. Sometimes it’s not.”

McCain is now a mom to her 1-year-old daughter, Liberty, whom she gave birth to last September.

“I just didn’t think I could love anything the way that I love my dad,” she admits, referring to her late father, Arizona Sen. John McCain. “I felt that kind of pure love was gone and it was something that I experienced, it was over now, but I love her. I don’t like to, like, gauge love but I love her just as much, if not more, and it’s this pure feeling of just, she’s perfect even when she, like, spits up or I have to change her diaper, I think it’s perfect.”

McCain’s memoir will be released exclusively on Audible on Oct. 21.

“[There’s] funny stories about giving birth, stuff at “The View”, and stuff with my dad and politics and it’s meant to be consumed where if you just want to listen to one chapter in each story, like each chapter is its own story, so you can ebb in and out if you want, or listen to all in one place,” she notes. “I recorded it myself and when I was recording, I was like, what was I thinking of, sharing things this personal with the entire world?”

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