It’s been a 10-year journey for Will Smith and wife Jada Pinkett Smith’s marriage.

The couple have been open about their relationship in recent years, with their Oprah Winfrey sit-down and Jada’s “Red Table Talk”, but just when you thought you knew it all, the 53-year-old actor digs deeper in his new memoir, Will. 

Will recalls a time when he was an ego-driven “perfect husband” for Jada’s 40th birthday, a celebration that she called “the most disgusting display of ego I have ever seen in my life.” Will lost himself for a while, leading the couple to separate.

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It was a disastrous three-day birthday event that included golf, hiking, a big dinner event and an archway decorated with pictures of Jada. Will showered his wife with a sentimental documentary film about Jada’s family, hired her favourite artists to create original artwork for her, and even booked surprise performer Mary J. Blige after the dinner. But it was all too much and turned into an over-the-top celebration of their wealth.

After the first night, Jada made Will cancel the rest of the plans and it was a silent trip back home. At the time, he said to her, “I retire. I retire from trying to make you happy … I quit — you go do you, and I’m-a go do me.” And so their journey to recovery began.

Divorce was not something they wanted but time apart was what they needed.

During that time of hurt, the “Fresh Prince” star longed for answers and help by getting into psychotropic drugs.

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Will experimented with psychotropic tea and had out-of-body experiences in which he had a revelation about finding self-worth and self-love.

“If I’m this beautiful, I don’t need No. 1 movies to feel good about myself,” he wrote. “If I’m this beautiful, I don’t need hit records to feel worthy of love. If I’m this beautiful, I don’t need Jada or anyone else to validate me.”

Continuing on his path to happiness, Will wrote about seeking out an expert in tantric sexuality, Michaela Boehm, to whom he revealed he “would have a harem,” to make him happy. However, he struggled to fill that harem with women.

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