Tess Holliday has come a long way, reaching a more positive place for her mental health. But sometimes she still struggles to embrace the changes her body has endured.
The model and body image activist opened up about how her body dysmorphia- a mental health disorder that causes one to obsess with perceived flaws in their physical appearance- has recently intensified.
READ MORE: Tess Holliday Laughs Off The Tabloid Criticism Of Her Beach Body
“My body dysmorphia has been really trying me lately and when photos from previous years pop up while I’m scrolling through my phone, it causes me to spiral a bit,” Holliday wrote on Instagram.
However, she tries to reassure herself that the body she misses from those old photos was unhealthy from a rocky time when she was battling anorexia during her marriage to ex-husband Nick Holliday.
“I have to check myself and ask: ‘Why are you really sad?’ because I like how I looked there — but I was also in the throws of my most disordered eating, in an abusive relationship, and so deeply unhappy,” she continued in the caption.
“Now, my body is different but my heart is fuller. I smile a lot more these days, and I know y’all have noticed how much happier I am too,” she added.
READ MORE: Tess Holliday ‘Had No Idea’ She ‘Could Even Struggle With Anorexia’
Along with the unfiltered photos of Holliday on her yoga mat are a series of artwork about self-love from her friend Elwing Sương Gonzalez, capturing the model’s spirit and efforts to reevaluate the way she views herself.
“It takes work to look at old photos of a body I miss (it’s okay to grieve stages of your body) and see instead how unhappy I was back then instead of glamorizing those moments that were far from perfect,” said Holliday. “In the photos I take today, my body doesn’t always look or feel like ME, but the joy? The self love for WHO I am not how I look? That’s real.”
READ MORE: Tess Holliday Reveals She’s Recovering From Anorexia: ‘I’m Not Ashamed To Say It Out Loud Anymore’
“This is why I say that our sizes and weights don’t effect[sic] our worth, because bodies evolve, and moments fly by us so quickly,” she continued. “And I don’t want to waste a minute of my beautiful life because I’m worried about a new stretch mark.”
