Billie Lourd always has her mother Carrie Fisher in mind.
Lourd, 29, paid tribute to Fisher in the aftermath of the fifth anniversary of Fisher’s death. The “Scream Queens” star honoured the “Star Wars” legend with a cover of Fleetwood Mac’s “Landslide”.
“It has been five years since my Momby died,” Lourd captioned the video. “I don’t like to say lost. It makes it sound like I could find her like I find my car in a parking lot when I don’t remember where I parked it. I always find my car. I can’t find my Mom.
“We loved to sing. We loved Fleetwood Mac. We loved this song. It echoed in our living room throughout my childhood, playing slightly too loudly as she scribbled her marvellous manic musings on yellow legal pads.”
Fleetwood Mac’s “Landslide” came on one day and struck a chord with Lourd.
“I’m working away from home right now,” she wrote. “One night when I was having a particularly grief-y moment this song came on and the lyrics spoke (well actually sang) to me more than they ever had before.
“I didn’t know who to be or what to do after my mom died. I was afraid of changing because I had built my life around her. Then she was gone. And I had to rebuild my life without her. And it wasn’t, and still isn’t, easy. But time has made me bolder.”
There is always a piece of Lourd missing; however, the young actress grows stronger day by day.
“I never stop missing her but I have gotten stronger with each passing year. And if you’re going through something similar time will make you bolder too. Sorry for this cheesy lyric analysis. But it’s true!” she concluded. “Sending all my strength to anyone in the #griefgang who needs it.”
Fisher died on Dec. 27, 2016, of cardiac arrest after becoming unresponsive on a flight. In a separate post, Lourd shared an adorable photo of her, a young Fisher and a koala.
“People always ask me what stage of grief I’m in,” Lourd wrote. “And my answer is never simple. I’m in a different stage of grief in each moment of every day. My grief is a multi-course meal with many complicated ingredients.
“An amuse-bouche of bargaining followed by an anger appetizer with a side of depression, acceptance for the entree and of course a little denial for dessert. And that’s how grief should be — all things all at once — actually there is no “should” in grief – grief just is whatever it is…”
Lourd concluded the post with colourful text reading, “I miss you, Momby.”