Bella Hadid wishes she hadn’t altered her appearance.
The 25-year-old model is on the new cover of Vogue, and in the issue she reveals that at 14 years old she got plastic surgery on her nose, which she now regrets.
“I wish I had kept the nose of my ancestors. I think I would have grown into it.”
Despite the nose job, Hadid opens up about the common public impression that she has had all kinds of work done on her face.
“People think I fully f**ked with my face because of one picture of me as a teenager looking puffy. I’m pretty sure you don’t look the same now as you did at 13, right?” she explains. “I have never used filler. Let’s just put an end to that. I have no issue with it, but it’s not for me. Whoever thinks I’ve gotten my eyes lifted or whatever it’s called—it’s face tape! The oldest trick in the book. I’ve had this impostor syndrome where people made me feel like I didn’t deserve any of this. People always have something to say, but what I have to say is, I’ve always been misunderstood in my industry and by the people around me.”
In the profile, Hadid also discusses her battles with depression and anxiety, as well as Lyme disease.
“For three years while I was working, I would wake up every morning hysterical, in tears, alone. I wouldn’t show anybody that,” she says. “I would go to work, cry at lunch in my little green room, finish my day, go to whatever random little hotel I was in for the night, cry again, wake up in the morning, and do the same thing.”
Talking about living in the shadow of older sister Gigi, the model recalls, “I was the uglier sister. I was the brunette. I wasn’t as cool as Gigi, not as outgoing. That’s really what people said about me. And unfortunately when you get told things so many times, you do just believe it. I always ask myself, How did a girl with incredible insecurities, anxiety, depression, body-image issues, eating issues, who hates to be touched, who has intense social anxiety—what was I doing getting into this business? But over the years I became a good actress. I put on a very smiley face, or a very strong face. I always felt like I had something to prove. People can say anything about how I look, about how I talk, about how I act. But in seven years I never missed a job, cancelled a job, was late to a job. No one can ever say that I don’t work my a** off.”
Hadid also talks about the fashion industry and the ongoing reckoning over its toxic past and creation of unrealistic standards for models and others.
“I’ve had girls in my lap crying to me at four in the morning, still at fittings for a show when they have to be at another show at 7 a.m. completely destroyed, hair burned off, haven’t eaten anything, exhausted to the point where they’re shaking.
“Finally girls are standing up about sample sizes, but when I first started seven years ago, I couldn’t fit into Saint Laurent. And I remember a stylist talking about my weight because I couldn’t zip up,” she adds. “Looking back, I think, yeah, because a Saint Laurent sample size from the runway was just not a real size for anybody. But then you think there’s something wrong with you, and no one around you is saying, no, no, you’re fine, don’t worry, it’s a small size. They’re kind of just looking at you like I guess we’re going to have to put something else on. And you’re thinking, I guess it’s me, then.”
At one point, Hadid suffered such extreme burnout that she ended up spending two weeks at a treatment facility, putting the focus back on her own mental health amid a busy life.
“To have to wake up every morning with this brain—it’s not cute,” Hadid says. “So now everything that I do in my personal life is literally to make sure that my mental state stays above water. Fashion can make you or break you. And if it makes you, you have to make a conscious effort every day for it not to break you. There’s always a bit of grief in love.”