Lorde is opening up about the stage fright she once experienced, and how she used to deal with the “adrenaline spike” of performing onstage in front of thousands of people.

In a newsletter she sent to fans, reported Billboard, the New Zealand singer explained how the performance anxiety she once experienced has improved over the years.

“I don’t think I realized, back when we booked these more intimate shows, just HOW psycho the feeling in the room would be,” she wrote.

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“And my stage fright is barely a factor now — I just feel calm, keen to hang with you for an hour and a half. That feels different now, more manageable, more on my terms,” Lorde continued.

“I used to come offstage and feel like I had stepped from one planet onto another, the adrenaline spike being so massive, the fear response I’d had to counteract so immense,” she added. “I’d have to chew a gummy or drink a tequila just to come down a little bit.”

One way she’s been able to cope with bridging that gap between the on- and off-stage worlds has been a new after-show ritual she’s started, in which she writes down details about members of the audience. This, she explained, could be “someone in a sun costume, someone in old merch, someone with beautiful eye makeup, someone who’s hype the entire time, someone who barely sings a word but is completely focused.”

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She also wrote about possibly resurrecting a post-show ritual. “I’ve been eating pretty healthy, haven’t yet descended into the inevitable post-show stoner pizza routine (although u knowwww it’s coming),” she wrote, but explained why she wants to stay on the healthy track.

“Want to be my most tip top for you, for these nights,” she said, “they’re too special to be anything less than fully here for.”