Britney Spears is sharing more about the court-ordered conservatorship that ruled her life for 13 years.
The “Hold Me Closer” singer, 40, posted a 22-minute long audio-only clip on YouTube on Sunday — since deleted — in which she detailed some of her experiences prior to the conservatorship being lifted last year.
“I woke up this morning and I realized there’s a lot going on in my head that I haven’t really shared with anyone,” Spears said. She noted that while she’s had “tons of opportunities” to do interviews with big names such as Oprah, she felt it was “silly” to get paid to tell her story.
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“I’m here honestly just to open myself to others and try to shed a light on, if anyone out there has gone through hardships or whatever it is, to put a light on it so that person doesn’t feel alone because I really know what it feels like,” she said.
Britney focused predominantly on her family’s role in the conservatorship as well as revealing just how closely her life was controlled. “I couldn’t process how my family went along with it for so long,” Spears said. Referring to the ‘Free Britney’ movement she added, “There [were] people on the street fighting for me but my sister and my mother weren’t doing anything for me. That was the main thing that hurt me.”
“They literally killed me,” she continued. “They threw me away. I felt like my family threw me away.”
“I’m honestly more angry at my mom [Lynne Spears],” the “Gimme More” hitmaker commented, explaining that she heard rumours that her mother would dodge questions from reporters when they called and instead “hide” so she wouldn’t say something “wrong.”
“I feel like she could have gotten me a lawyer in two seconds,” she added. And though Britney tried to call law firms herself multiple times, she says her phone was tapped and taken away before she could go any further in engaging legal representation.
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Britney also revealed that at one point during her Vegas residency she had a “secret relationship” with a man who was offering to help the singer flee the country. But Spears said she couldn’t go through with their plan, terrified of what her dad Jamie might do in response, saying, “I thought they would lock me up or hurt me.”
“I get nothing out of sharing all of this,” Spears remarked of her decision to post the audio clip. Again addressing the offers she’s received to do a TV interview, she said, “It’s beyond a sit-down proper interview.”
“I’m sharing this because I want people to know I’m only human,” she added. “How can I mend if I can’t talk about it?”