In early 2021, actor Armie Hammer’s Hollywood career came to a screeching halt after disturbing text messages emerged detailing BDSM and cannibalism, followed by several accusations of sexual misconduct and, in the case of one woman, rape.

Two years later, Hammer is breaking his silence in the first interview since the scandal that’s cost him his career and his marriage, revealing he was a victim of child sexual abuse and that he was so distraught that he considered suicide.

Speaking with Air Mail, Hammer claimed that his interest in BDSM stems from that childhood trauma, when he was sexually molested by a youth pastor when he was 13.

READ MORE: Dakota Johnson Jokes About Armie Hammer Cannibalism Accusations

“What that did for me was it introduced sexuality into my life in a way that it was completely out of my control. I was powerless in the situation. I had no agency in the situation. Sexuality was introduced to me in a scary way where I had no control. My interests then went to: I want to have control in the situation, sexually,” he said.

Hammer also opened up about what he described as “attempted suicide,” telling the outlet, “I just walked out into the ocean and swam out as far as I could and hoped that either I drowned, or was hit by a boat, or eaten by a shark. Then I realized that my kids were still on shore, and that I couldn’t do that to my kids.”

Hammer also disputed the allegations of rape from a woman identified as “Effie,” insisting what took place was a consensual “scene” that had been mutually orchestrated in advance.

READ MORE: Armie Hammer Accuser Calls Out Elizabeth Chambers For Supporting Her Ex-Husband

“She planned all of the details out, all the way down to what Starbucks I would see her at, how I would follow her home, how her front door would be open and unlocked and I would come in, and we would engage in what is called a ‘consensual non-consent scene,’ CNC,” Hammer said. “Every single thing was discussed beforehand. I have never thrust this on someone unexpectedly. Never.”

Asked if he was “emotionally abusive” to the women who have accused him, he admitted that he was.

“One million percent,” he said. “I’m here to own my mistakes, take accountability for the fact that I was an a**hole, that I was selfish, that I used people to make me feel better, and when I was done, moved on.”

READ MORE: Woman Who Accused Armie Hammer Of Rape Slams Discovery+ Documentary For ‘Exploiting My Trauma’

Added Hammer: “I had a very intense and extreme lifestyle, and I would scoop up these women, bring them into it — into this whirlwind of travel and sex and drugs and big emotions flying around — and then as soon as I was done, I’d just drop them off and move on to the next woman, leaving that woman feeling abandoned or used.”

However, Hammer contended he’s in a very different place now. “I’m now a healthier, happier, more balanced person,” he said. “I’m able to be there for my kids in a way I never was. I’m truly grateful for my life and my recovery and everything. I would not go back and undo everything that’s happened to me.”

Admitting his past substance abuse contributed to his behaviour, Hammer also discussed finding his purpose by serving as a “sober companion” to a fellow recovering addict.

“I’m going to move in with him and live with him, get him on a healthy routine, get him into a good schedule of [recovery] meetings, take him to the gym, cook healthy food for him,” Hammer said. “It feels like my recovery has taken a turn from me being the one who needs help staying sober, to me being able to help others.”

Hammer also confirmed a report from Vanity Fair claiming that he’d been assisted in his recovery by Robert Downey Jr., and referenced Downey’s career resurrection after getting sober.

READ MORE: Robert Downey Jr. Reportedly Paid For Armie Hammer’s Rehab Treatment

“There are examples everywhere, Robert [Downey Jr.] being one of them, of people who went through those things and found redemption through a new path. And that, I feel like, is what’s missing in this cancel-culture, woke-mob business,” Hammer said. “The minute anyone does anything wrong, they’re thrown away. There’s no chance for rehabilitation.”

The article also quotes sex-advice columnist Dan Savage, who insinuates that Hammer is stigmatized for being “kinky.”

“What a trap it is to be rich, famous, and kinky,” Savage said. “It’s like kinky famous people are like how gay famous people were a generation or two ago.”

The Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention, Depression Hurts and Kids Help Phone 1-800-668-6868 all offer ways of getting help if you, or someone you know, may be suffering from mental health issues.