Judd Apatow served as emcee for the DGA Awards on Saturday night, and he kicked off his show-opening monologue by taking a few shots at Tom Cruise.
“The special effects in ‘Maverick’ were so top notch, I couldn’t even see the stack of phone books Tom Cruise sat on to reach the flight controls,” quipped Apatow of Cruise’s height, as reported by Variety.
“Remember when Tom Cruise jumped up and down on the couch and we all thought, ‘What a lunatic!’” Apatow continued, referencing Cruise’s much-mocked 2005 appearance on “The Oprah Winfrey Show”.
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“And now he rides a motorcycle off a cliff and BASE jumps and we’re all like, ‘Tom’s fine!’” he quipped.
“Tom is not fine. Someone needs to explain to him something called CGI. You’re 60. Calm down,” Apatow said. “But every time he does one of these new stunts, it does feel like an ad for Scientology. I mean, is that in Dianetics? Because there’s nothing about jumping off a cliff in the Torah.”
Apatow also joked about Cruise’s family life and his Scientology-driven stance against psychiatry and psychiatric medication.
“The only thing he seems to be afraid of is co-parenting and antidepressants,” joked Apatow. “I doubled my Prozac today just for this. I doubled it! Do you think if Tom Cruise took antidepressants, he’d be like, ‘I’m not jumping off of a f**king cliff. I’m rich!’”
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Cruise wasn’t the only target of Apatow’s comedy barbs, and he also had a few things to say about “Elvis”.
“Both ‘Avatar’ and “Elvis’ have gotten a lot of praise this award season. Which is unexpected, since they were enjoyed by people and made money,” Apatow joked, adding, “I actually watched ‘Elvis’ the same way that he died: asleep and on the toilet.”
Apatow also took aim at Steve Spielberg’s “The Fabelmans”.
“Steven Spielberg made a deeply personal movie, which just shows you how much you can accomplish once you start smoking pot with Seth Rogen,” Apatow said. “Spielberg stole Seth Rogen from me, and I’m not cool with it. I’m gonna make a f**king movie with E.T.!”
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Also targeted was Todd Field’s “Tár”, which arrived 16 years after his previous film, 2006’s “Little Children”.
“This is how long that is: My daughter went to preschool with Todd’s daughter,” Apatow observed. “Our kids were four when his last movie came out. And since then, my daughter has had three divorces.”
Apatow wrapped up by taking a shot at himself, joking about the minuscule viewership of his 2022 Netflix comedy “The Bubble”.
“Do you know what it’s like to work hard, and then go see the Top 10 on Netflix, and you’re behind ‘Is It Cake’?” he said. “And then you watch ‘Is It Cake?’ and you realize you like it better than your movie?”