Movie Remakes That Never Should Have Happened

By Michele Yeo. 18 Dec 2018 1:26 PM

A new version of “Mary Poppins” is floating into theatres December 19. Some are calling “Mary Poppins Returns” a remake, while others are calling it a sequel. However you label it, there’s a lot of pressure on the film given the original’s status as a much-loved classic. We believe the uber-charming Emily Blunt will live up to the hype but not all remakes work — even with a popular actor in the lead. In fact, some flat-out bomb and not even a spoonful of sugar could have made them go down any easier.

Paramount Pictures

MGM

20th Century Fox

Paramount Pictures

Sony Pictures

Warner Bros.

Sony Pictures

Universal Pictures

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'Footloose'
Paramount Pictures
Often times our emotional attachment to a movie prevents us from seeing that the movie maybe wasn't all that great to begin with. That could be the case with the original "Footloose", which danced its way in our hearts in 1984, thanks mostly to a soundtrack full of bops and the sweet dance moves of a young, charismatic Kevin Bacon. Fast forward nearly more than 25 years and there's a new kid in town. We all cried "sacrilege" at the thought of a remake. As the late Robert Ebert opined in his review of the 2011 version, "This new 'Footloose' is a film without wit, humour, or purpose." We're sure Kevin Bacon was happy to stay six degrees away from this remake.
'Fame'
MGM
The 1980 original movie spawned a hit song, a successful TV series, and a touring production. The 2009 remake didn't even come close to becoming the pop culture touchstone of its predecessor. Roger Ebert called the remake "a sad reflection of the new Hollywood," adding "it plays like a dinner theatre version of the original.' We'll remember the name "Fame" but it will always be the original we think of. That's the one that's gonna live forever.
'Planet of the Apes'
20th Century Fox
Listen, we'll forever be indebted to director Tim Burton for giving us "Beetlejuice" and "Edward Scissorhands" so we're willing to let some duds slide, including 2001's "Planet of the Apes" remake or "reimagining" as the filmmaker preferred to call it. At the time, the Guardian called it "a dumbed down, gibbering festival of nonsense."
'Ben-Hur'
Paramount Pictures
The 1959 original epic starring Charlton Heston (before we came to know him as an NRA-supporting, from-his-cold-dead-hands gun enthusiast) went on to win 11 Oscars so it's hard to imagine why anyone would think remaking it is a good idea but in 2016 someone did. Rolling Stone called it "a remake disaster of biblical proportions." Ouch.
'The Karate Kid'
Sony Pictures
Two words: Jaden Smith.
That's all we've got to say about this 2010 remake of the 1994 classic.
We're gonna wax off, thanks.
'Arthur'
Warner Bros.
The 1981 original nabbed Dudley Moore an Academy Award nomination for his portrayal of a bumbling but lovable drunken fool. His performance in the 2011 remake earned Russell Brand a Razzie nomination for Worst Actor. The movie itself as also nominated for Worst Prequel, Remake, Ripoff or Sequel. 'Nuff said. This remake got caught between a rock and a hard place instead of between the moon and New York City.
'Carrie'
Sony Pictures
While the 1976 original is widely regarded as one of the scariest movies of all time (and that image of pig blood raining down upon Carrie and her white prom dress is undoubtedly iconic) the 2013 version failed to capture the same spirit and was largely ignored at the box office, even with the legend that is Julianne Moore playing Carrie's mentally deranged mother.
'Psycho'
Universal Pictures
After the original Alfred Hitchcock thriller slashed its way into theatres in 1960, the mere act of taking a shower became an anxiety- and terror-ridden fright fest. While the original became a classic and the thriller by which all others should be measured, Gus Van Sant's 1999 remake starring Vince Vaughn as the murderous mommy-issue-plagued Norman Bates never measured up, with the majority of reviews questioning the point of it all while agreeing across the board that Vince Vaughn simply was not the right choice to play the palpably creepy lead. Gus Van Sant and the movie itself won Razzies that year.
'Godzilla'
Sony Pictures
"Going to see 'Godzilla' at the Palais of the Cannes Film Festival is like attending a satanic ritual in St. Peter's Basilica. It's a rebuke to the faith that the building represents." This is how late film critic Roger Ebert opened his review of 1998's "Godzilla" and it didn't get much better from there. The remake, starring Matthew Broderick (who probably should have taken the day off) bombed at the box office and tied "Psycho" for a Worst Remake Razzie that year.
'The Pink Panther'
Sony Pictures
The original "Pink Panther" film, released in 1963, while it received mixed reviews at the time, went on to become a classic thanks mostly to the inherent and irreverent charm of Peter Sellers as Inspector Jacques Clouseau. The comedy caper was even selected in 2010 to be preserved by the Library of Congress as part of its National Film Registry for its cultural, historical, and aesthetic significance. The 2006 remake, despite starring the also-charming Steve Martin and Kevin Kline failed to capture any of the magic of the original despite also featuring Beyoncé. Please do not come for us, Beyhive! The movie not only flopped commercially, it was panned critically and was nominated for two Razzies.

Movie Remakes That Never Should Have Happened

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